i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
