Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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