Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
