went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
