I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
