id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
