Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
