Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
