Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
