I think im going to throw up on grandma
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
