the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
