i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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