Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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