Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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