That's intense
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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