I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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