I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i need some magic done to my vagina
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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