they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
