put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
