Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's not a foreskin expert like you
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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