When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
