Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
