he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
