I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
