Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I looked at my own cervix.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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