imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
