My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
