dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
