I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
