Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
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