There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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