just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
