She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i think i just lost a toe
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
