I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
