He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
