Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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