my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
