If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
