The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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