Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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