She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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