I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
