there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
