I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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