i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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