I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
