wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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