normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
