Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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