Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
